Recently I saw the movie “Son of God”. As I watched the movie, my mind was preoccupied. I am going to Haiti the first two weeks of June. I will be working with a ministry called “My Life Speaks”. I am more than excited. Since I am a teacher, I will be working with the schools, doing I have no idea what, but I don’t care. This is not about what I can offer them but what God wants to do in me. When I knew God was leading me to go, my husband Robert and I committed to paying for the trip ourselves. I sent letters to friends and family, and in it I asked them not to send me money but only to pray for me. So, as I sat watching “The Son of God”, my mind wandered to the fact that I owed my last payment on my trip. Naturally, I thought “We owe this money”, and “Do we have this money?” God’s got plenty of money, I like to say, but of course, do I really believe that, or is it something I like to tell everyone else?
I knew in my heart to trust: just trust. But finances can be hard, can’t it? It gets to the heart of us which is selfish and self seeking. Then, as I watched the movie, Judas appeared. You know how the story. The strangest thoughts came over me. I can identify with Judas. He was selfish. Maybe he loved money; maybe he wanted power. Maybe he thought he could become famous. Maybe he thought he was doing the right thing in some strange way. I have been this person, and at the heart of me is selfishness. I started thinking, “Judas, don’t do it. Don’t do it! Don’t sell your soul to the devil. Don’t betray my best friend.” Tears were welling up because I can’t tell you how many times I have done that very thing. I have lived my life selfishly with thoughts of Kathy, not Jesus. If you have seen the movie, there was a pivotal moment when Judas speaks. He says, “What’s in it for me?” It was as if the entire theater stopped eating popcorn, moving, or even breathing all at once, and the God of the Universe was speaking to me. I live my life with that governing thought most of the time. Oh, how I am sick of me.
Finish this story with me though for a miracle happened. When Robert and I arrived home and I literally was headed to the computer to make my final Haiti payment, I stopped to open the mail. There it was: an unexpected refund check for $78 over the amount of money for my two weeks in Haiti. At that time all that was left was the cost of my flight. As I write this, I am within a few hundred dollars of that also being totally paid. Some family has given me gifts of money even when I said not to, other unexpected funds have come, and God paid for a trip that I never asked Him to pay for. So, in my weak human nature, God still provides and loves me. Wow, what will happen in Haiti?
Visit my web site: http://www.kathymcbroom.com and go to Amazon.com for resources; You Ain’t in Kansas Anymore”, a 30 day devotional, And This Ain’t Hollywood Either, a second 30 day devotional and Giving Yourself Away, a bible study.