This morning I got a message about a family whose 16 year old son died in the night. He had leukemia. Be still my heart.
It has brought on a flood of emotions, and as I sit in my church parking lot today, I am trying to dry up the tears.
For me, this is the week. The week my life changed forever. I don’t celebrate this anniversary but I am always reminded. I am attaching an old blog post for those of you who don’t know about the pain I am speaking of.
But I rejoice. I rejoice because right now I hurt. It feels as though my God is silent. But He is not.
My King came in the form of a manger. He went to a cross one where Mary watched her son die. So I am going out on a limb, but I say that before we can know great joy, we must know great pain.
The greater the pain, the greater the joy. The gratitude. The awe and wonder of how a Savior came for me.
And one day… oh yes, one day, He is coming back.
He is coming back for those who are His. That’s me.
If I am still here when He returns, he will look at the masses and say, “Let’s go!” But He will look at me and say, “Let’s go-ready to see your dad again??”
Now I am squalling. Thanks God for this image this morning. Tears are good.
So is waterproof mascara.:)
At a time when we teachers are totally serious about everything, wait no. We are half crazy with Energizer bunny like students, that we know leave parents each morning who are saying, “Ha, ha, there you are. Do something with this why don’t you” as they drop them off at school.While in carpool lines, we are certain we are seeing parents push them out the car door, and throw their backpacks out as they race out of the parking lot. We can almost hear them crying for joy to not have to spend five more minutes with them, as we prepare to spend seven, yes, seven hours with their little bundle of joy. As they walk past me, entering school, there are days when I am thinking, “And someone was glad when you started talking.”
If you happen not to be a teacher, you might say, “Is it really that bad?”
Yes. I do like my job, and there is some sarcasm there, but I will let you figure out where the sarcasm ends and truth begins.
It’s December-can you believe it? This morning I have begun Christmas decorating. I turned on the Christmas music because it’s time to celebrate, but with the first song, I found myself crying. Not crying, squalling, big, ugly cry.”Why was I crying?”, you might ask. December 12, 2003, fifteen years ago this year, my mom and dad went to a Sunday School Christmas party. While there, my dad had a massive stroke. That year was a blur with days in the ICU followed by more days in transitional care only to be sent home that Spring with a whole new normal. My mom cared for my dad in their home for the next nearly twelve years until he passed away. Understand now why for years Christmas just literally turned my stomach?
Friends, God did so many miracles during that time. The biggest one was to bring back the joy of Christmas for me. Believe me, it is still difficult, but I choose joy. Period. Joy. Going to explode joy. Unexplainable, only God can do that joyEvery Christmas I find myself at one point or another getting alone while I just lose it completely. It comes out of nowhere, but the dark sadness hits. It hit this morning as I started up the celebration.
We have all felt rejection on some level at some point in life. Do you live with it always in the back of your mind?
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverancethe race marked out for us, 2 fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith. For the joy set before him he endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-2
I am a terrified flyer. What’s your worst fear? Yours is probably much deeper, but all fears must fall. As Christ followers, we cannot allow our fears to cripple us. What kind of follower of the One Who overcame everything would we be?
This is Manic Monday. My cat loves to steal the show, but since it is Halloween, she’s the wrong color to steal much of the show.